Anaconda (2025) – Review
Anaconda (2025)
THIS IS NOT A REBOOT. It is an entirely original comedy, inspired by the cinematic ‘classic’ “Anaconda,” that features Doug (Jack Black) and Griff (Paul Rudd), who have been best friends since they were kids and always dreamed of remaking their all-time favorite movie. When a midlife crisis pushes them to finally go for it, they head deep into the Amazon to start filming. But things get real when an actual giant anaconda appears, turning their comically chaotic movie set into a deadly situation. The movie they’re dying to make? It might just get them killed…
Directed by:
Tom Gormican
Written by:
Tom Gormican & Kevin Etten
Produced by:
Brad Fuller
Andrew Form
Kevin Etten
Tom Gormican
Executive Producer:
Samson Mücke
Cast:
Jack Black
Paul Rudd
Steve Zahn
Thandiwe Newton
Daniela Melchior
Selton Mello
On a personal note, it took me an hour and forty‑five minutes to get to the theater for this screener. In hindsight, I wish traffic had done me the favor of keeping me away entirely—but I digress. Let’s get into this short review, because truth be told, I haven’t seen a film this underwhelming in months. Not since Superman have I walked out of a theater feeling so deflated. And because I’m trying not to be a full‑time Negative Nancy, I’ll keep this one tight.
As many of you know, I recently made a new rule for myself as a reviewer: no trailers before screenings. I’ve found that trailers spoil half the movie before I even sit down—moments I would’ve loved to experience fresh become a checklist of “yep, saw that already.” So now I watch the trailer after the screener, partly to jog my memory on talking points, and partly to see just how much the studio gave away. And let me tell you… this one gives away everything. Which also explains why invited audiences laugh, gasp, or react at oddly specific times—they’ve already been primed by the marketing department. But enough preamble. Let’s slither in.
Every player in this film was exactly as predictable as I feared. And let me be clear: I like this cast. I genuinely do. But this straightforward, hokey, paint‑by‑numbers creature feature was a torturous hour and forty minutes. My most unpleasant moviegoing experience since Superman. This was only the second time in my life I wanted to walk out within the first third of a film.
It’s not the chaotic disaster Superman was, but the dialogue here is painfully juvenile, and the action isn’t far behind. The trailer even spoils the film’s “biggest laugh moment”—and when it finally played, the audience reaction felt so manufactured it reminded me of sitcom laugh tracks. Loud burst, immediate stop, zero authenticity. I notice these things, and I can’t un‑notice them.
The scene in question: Jack’s character, Doug, is propped up like a macabre scarecrow—rat in his mouth, pig on his head—bait for the Anaconda. He suddenly opens his eyes, spits out the rat, and sprints for his life. It’s all in the trailer. Why? Why rob the audience of the one moment that might’ve actually landed if they’d seen it fresh? Instead, 99% of the theater had already processed it weeks ago, so the laughter was pre‑baked and short‑lived. I, for one, didn’t find the scene humorous at all, but that’s me; maybe others would find it funny. I’m not here to yuck on anyone’s yum.
Paul Rudd as Griff is… Paul Rudd. And listen, who doesn’t love Paul Rudd? He’s charismatic, funny, and always a pleasant presence. But here, he’s given nothing to work with. His “struggling actor trying to make it” arc has the emotional weight of a paper straw. Thandiwe Newton brings warmth as Claire, but again—no material. Steve Zahn plays Steve Zahn: the apologetic, quirky introvert we’ve seen a dozen times. Even supporting players like Lakeith Stanfield (in a surprisingly thankless role) and a handful of recognizable character actors feel stranded by a script that doesn’t know what to do with them.
The 1997 Anaconda was silly even in its day, but it had charm. It had personality. It had Jon Voight chewing scenery like it was a competitive sport. It doesn’t hold up like Jaws, but it holds up the way old Godzilla movies do—campy, earnest, and weirdly lovable. This 2025 reboot? Not so much.
Final verdict: this is a Netflix‑and‑chill movie at best. And I emphasize the chill, because there’s absolutely no slithering happening on screen.
-Jay Katz